Friday, March 12, 2010

I am officially EVIL!

Okay, I admit it...I'm evil! The student's last year called me "Teacher Devil" which I felt was uncalled for, but now there is little doubt remaining...I think I just proved those little rats right.

We are changing science books and curriculum next semester to meet the Ministry of Education's new requirements. As such, I'm splitting the resulting workload of making exams, tests, lessons, etc., with the other science teachers at our other two school branches. I get to do all of the changes and create the course for our fifth graders.

I made some pretty dope workbooks and worksheets that I think the students will like. I got done with the first couple units (Matter and its Properties) and needed to begin making tests. The tests that we used to use were average 35 questions, multiple choice, fill in the blank, true or false, essay, short answer, etc. The new unit tests are to be only 10-15 points each. This being the case I had to combine concepts and make the questions more than just "What are the three states of matter?" and come up with some critical thinking questions to assess the student's learning, yada yada...

As I wrote questions, I began to grin evilly, one eyebrow raised, actually thinking of how to "stump" the kids. Now, that in itself does not an evil teacher make...however, my true malevolent self soon took over...when I got to the MULTIPLE CHOICE questions! You know where this is going right!?

Yeah, so, here is an example of pure evil:

There are two copper balls “Ball A” and “Ball B”. Ball A weighs 2kg when it is weighed on the moon. Ball B weighs 10kg when it is weighed on Earth. Which of the following statements is true?

a. Ball A has a higher density than Ball B.
b. Ball B has a higher density than Ball A.
c. The density of each copper ball is the same.
d. Answer a and b are both correct.
e. None of the answers above are correct.

I mean, when I was in school, both high school and college, I absolutely HATED this kind of question! Just puts so much doubt in your first instinct answer, and you end up hovering over one damn question for like ten minutes, all thanks to your jerk teacher who is probably enjoying watching you squirm!

Perhaps the only one worse is when there is a sneakily hidden "not" in the question combined with the annoying all/none of the above choices. Sometimes you're concentrating or stressing so much that you just look right over the "not".

Which of the following is not a physical property of matter?

a. absorbency
b. buoyancy
c. hardness
d. insulator
e. All are physical properties of matter.
f. None are physical properties of matter.

All in all I think the new shorter tests will challenge the students and force them to think a split second longer about their answers (guesses). I'll be a lot nicer on the midterms and finals. Although, that really depends on how naughty I'm feeling next week! Muuuuuuuhahahahahaaaaa!


Stooball said...

Haha, I think anyone that becomes a teacher secretly turns evil. But that's what you get paid for >:D

Naomi Hanks said...

Ha Ha Ha! You are So funny Chris...and Evil! By the way, I don't know the answer to either of those questions...did I miss 5th grade or something? Wow!

Beccarigg said...

E-V-I-L!!! I started squirming just reading those and realizing, like Naomi, that I don't know the answers! Man I'm glad I'm done with school!

p.s. I don't blame you though, when I was teaching I really let myself get carried away with the red pen when I was grading papers. Red just seems like a much harsher color to grade in ; )

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